When Everything Is Broken And Torn

After 20 years of being a full-time mother and raising children,I held the wedding invitation and asked my husband,“Twenty years ago,you said you would hold a wedding banquet when you made money.Can you replace the can ring with a real ring now?”

My husband declined reluctantly.

“There is no need for formalism.I will ask my assistant to accompany you to pick a diamond ring next month.”

My daughter-in-law clung to my son’s arms.

“Mom,you are old now.Don’t do things that make others laugh.”

But that night I received a message sent through Airdrop.It was the wedding photos that my husband and my bestie had just taken,attached was their wedding invitation.

The date was a week later.The invitees were my son,daughter-in-law and my father.

I was immediately cold all over.

My bestie was my husband’s secretary.

A week later,it was also the anniversary of my eldest daughter’s death.I ironed my husband’s suit for the“business trip”,watched my son and daughter-in-law put on the dresses I had chosen and sent them out.

My daughter-in-law smiled mischievously.

“Mom,you have always been frugal,so you don’t have to go to the market today.We will have a good meal tonight and pack some leftovers for you to save money.”

My best friend came late and left with my husband’s arm.

Looking at their backs,I changed the password at home and sent the divorce agreement to my husband’s company.

After wasting twenty years in family chores,I should be better to myself.

Then I booked a plane ticket to a faraway place.I decided that what I wanted to give myself twenty years ago,I must give it to myself this time.

——

Chapter 1

“You are old and ugly,why do you still wear a wedding dress?Hadley,I have to fly to Drodon on a business trip tomorrow morning.Don’t bother me with these nonsense.I’ll ask my assistant to take you to buy a diamond ring.Isn’t money more practical than a wedding,which is an unnecessary event?You think about it all the time.Are you sick from idleness?Look at your best friend Hanley,who is in her forties and has been working hard for her career.She is my secretary and has not married yet.You stay at home all day and enjoy a comfortable life.You have no worries about food and clothing and no work pressure.Don’t be ungrateful.”

My husband,Bernard,put down the financial report and looked at me,his eyes full of disapproval.

As soon as he finished speaking,his daughter-in-law rubbed her sleepy eyes and came up to him.

“Mom,you are fifty years old and still holding a wedding,aren’t you ashamed?If you really do what you said,people will laugh at us.Dad’s company is at a critical moment of listing and we can’t afford to lose this man.”

My hand that was cutting fruit paused and the blade scratched my finger that was pierced when I was mending clothes two days ago and blood splattered all over the chopping board.

I put on a band-aid while enduring the severe pain and handed the cut fruit to them to eat.

“Oh,Hadley won’t understand what you say to her.She is a housewife and has not been in society for so many years.How can she understand these?It’s better for you to talk to Hanley.”

My father poked a piece of apple and put it in his mouth,looking at me with emotion.

“Hanley is about the same age as you,but she looks younger and more energetic than you.

Hadley,you grew up together.You should also reflect on yourself and think about why you are not as good as her now.”

As soon as these words came out,the atmosphere suddenly became awkward.

Bernard coughed lightly.

“Hadley,Dad is old and likes to nag.Don’t take it too seriously.Dad,you too,Hadley is your daughter after all…”

My father interrupted disapprovingly and ate the last small tomato on the plate.

“She has no future,how can I say that?You can’t see it when you are young,but the difference becomes more obvious as you grow older.If you ask me,I still want Hanley to be my daughter.She is smart and capable,unlike Hadley,who is lazy and has no ambition.She quit her job as soon as she got married and relied on men for support.Didn’t you tell me last time that you regretted getting married too early?Hanley will help your career.She is the best candidate to be your wife.Have you forgotten?”

Bernard’s face became a little ugly,but he didn’t refute.

Everyone looked at me.

I stood there motionless,my mind short-circuited and blank.

“I do admire Hanley.She is better than Hadley in every aspect,whether in appearance,talent or ability.But Hadley has been with me for more than 20 years and is my wife.”

After a long silence,I bent down,picked up the empty plate and walked into the kitchen mechanically.

The water rushed and the wound was soaked in water and hurt badly.

I looked at my peeling and red hands,clumsy and vicissitudes and suddenly some regrets arose in my heart.

Serving my father,serving my husband,serving my son and daughter-in-law.

I was on duty 24 hours a day,taking care of my family’s daily life all year round,busy like a spinning top,day after day,year after year.

Chapter 2

In their eyes,this was actually lazy and enjoying a carefree life.

I numbly put the cleaned dishes into the cabinet,my heart ached.

“Okay,don’t worry about her,let her be alone.Jealousy is at work.She tried her best in the past few years,but was still suppressed by Hanley.Dad,you just said this to her again,poking her in the sore spot.Look,she is unhappy again.Not only does she want to be supported,but she also wants to be coaxed.Where in the world can such a thing happen?”

After saying this,Bernard picked up the financial report and continued to read it.

I stood helplessly in the kitchen and I didn’t have the courage to walk out.

What he meant was,I wanted both?But it was clear that I didn’t get any of them.

The sound of the password lock being unlocked and then the sound of high heels sounded.

“Mr.Chavez,I have sent you the documents you asked for.”

Capable and dignified,it was Hanley.

Bernard took off his glasses and stood up,pulling out a chair for Hanley.

“Thank you for your hard work.Stay for dinner tonight.”

My daughter-in-law hugged Hanley’s arm affectionately and my father smiled kindly.

“Hanley is here.You must be very busy recently.You look a lot thinner.”

Hanley responded to everyone’s enthusiasm for her one by one,looked around and asked me.

“Where’s Hadley?Why can’t I see her?”

Bernard frowned.

“I don’t know what she’s doing in the kitchen.She’s already old,but she’s still clamoring to hold a wedding ceremony again.Does she really think everyone is as free as her?”

Hanley poured Bernard a cup of tea in a familiar manner.

“Mr.Chavez is now successful and famous.Hadley probably wants to show off and gain face.But it is indeed Hadley’s fault.She should consider you.You are so busy,she should be more considerate.Speaking of which,I really envy Hadley.Not only did she marry a successful man,but she also didn’t have to run around all year round.She just needed to lie at home and enjoy herself.If I could live this kind of life,what would I be dissatisfied with?I would definitely concentrate on serving my family comfortably.”

After listening to Hanley’s words,Bernard nodded approvingly.

“Hadley,have you prepared dinner?Didn’t you see that there are guests at home?I have told you so many times not to keep them waiting for a long time.You really don’t know how to deal with things.”

The smoke hurt my eyes.I took a deep breath and held back my tears to bring out the cooked dishes.

My son and daughter-in-law were flirting with each other and my husband and my father were attentively picking up dishes for Hanley.

There was no room left on the table and I stood aside awkwardly.

My apron was full of oil stains and my hair and face were unkempt.

They talked and laughed while eating and they were happy,just like a family.

I stood aside,like a thief peeping at other people’s happiness.

This stop seemed to be forever.

After the meal,no one came to pay attention to me.

I cleaned up the table in a daze and the glass table with the smell of oil reflected my sloppy appearance.

Standing next to Hanley,I looked like one of her servants,not even worthy of carrying her shoes.

Hanley devoted herself to her career.She was nearly fifty years old,but she was well maintained,dressed exquisitely,walked with a breeze,dominated the business world and talked freely at the negotiation table.

And I got married early,resolutely quit my job at the peak of my career,returned to my family and was tied down by firewood,rice,oil and salt for half my life.

I washed the dishes in silence.

In the living room,Hanley was surrounded by stars and a group of people were laughing and the laughter drifted into the kitchen.

The cold water and detergent stimulated my scarred hands and my heart and hands were both tingling and the pain was numb.

“Didn’t you buy tonic medicine a few days ago?I’ll give it to Hanley first.She has been under a lot of work pressure recently and needs to take some tonic.”

Although Bernard was talking to me,he didn’t mean to ask for my opinion at all.He opened the refrigerator,took my tonic and turned out.

“This medicine is very expensive.I went to see a doctor last week.The doctor said that my health was very poor and I couldn’t bear it.This is what I saved for a long time…”

Bernard’s face suddenly sank and he interrupted me,“Why are you so stingy?I just saw Hanley just needed it,so you can just buy more.Besides,the money you spent is not my money?Hanley is your best friend and you are so clear with her.You are so petty,really not presentable.”

Chapter 3

This was something I saved money for a long time before I could afford it.

But I didn’t say anything else and watched Bernard take my medicine calmly and numbly and gave it to Hanley.

After becoming a housewife,I had no income,so I could only ask Bernard for money.

Firewood,rice,oil,salt,sauce,vinegar and tea were all expenses,but Bernard always disliked me for spending money lavishly and asked him for money at every turn.

I had lived like this for twenty years,relying on humbly pleasing people.I didn’t want to go on like this anymore.I wanted to end this humble life.

I went back to my room,checked my phone and typed the divorce agreement word by word on the computer.

Tears fell one by one and I couldn’t stop them.

Bernard sent Hanley away and pushed the door open.

He rolled his eyes impatiently at my tear-stained face.

“Crying again?Hadley,can you stop being unreasonable?It’s just a little supplement,why do you care?Or are you jealous of Hanley again?”

I ignored him and Bernard became more and more irritated.

He came over and patted my face full of fat.

“Look at how fat you are?There is so much nutrition,what can you supplement?Hanley earns 137,000 dollars a year but doesn’t want to buy supplements worth thousands of dollars,but you bought them without hesitation.You really enjoy more and don’t understand the hard work of making money.Can you understand me?Why don’t you learn to be considerate from Hanley?I was really stupid at the beginning,so I broke up with Hanley and married you…”

Bernard became more and more angry,pointing at my nose and finally swallowed the last few hurtful words.

I lowered my head in thought.

I didn’t say that I gained 80 kilograms in the past 20 years because I was overworked.

I ate leftovers,worked from dawn to dusk and served as a nanny for the family.

I never bought bags or jewelry,never went out for travel or shopping and wore a 2.75 dollars down jacket for ten winters.

So this was what Bernard meant by“seeking pleasure”?

Bernard stood there with his arm raised and when he saw that I didn’t move for a long time,he narrowed his eyes unhappily.

“What are you doing?Come here.”

He wanted me to help him change his clothes.

It had been like this for 20 years.As time went by,I knew what to do as soon as he raised his hand.

But today,I just didn’t want to move.

I sat on the edge of the bed in a daze,my eyes sore.

“Have you had enough of the trouble?When you were young,you were so cute and I let you do whatever you wanted.Hadley,you were a cute little girl,how old are you now?You should understand clearly that you are now an old woman!”

Bernard scratched his hair irritably and pulled me up by my collar.

***

“Marry me,Hadley.I will charge ahead and you will take care of the rest.We will rely on each other and be each other’s harbor.We will walk hand in hand for the rest of our lives.”

At that time,Bernard and Hanley had reached the stage of discussing marriage.I couldn’t tell for a moment whether he wanted to marry me because he liked me or because he was angry with Hanley.

He kissed me more deeply.

“Because you are gentle and considerate,virtuous and housekeeping and sensible and sensible.Hadley,after so many times of breaking up and getting back together with Hanley,I realized that I was not suitable for her.I still love you the most.”

Bernard stared into my eyes,every word was sincere and I was drunk in the stars in his eyes.

Twenty years of drunken dream.

The gentleness and virtue of the past had now become clumsy.

It was time for me to wake up.

Virtuous,housekeeping,sensible and sensible were never commendatory words from my point of view.They benefited others,but not myself.

Bernard married me with a conspiracy from the beginning.

Because of a few sweet words,I willingly gave in and retreated to the family.

I kept listening to his praises for me for twenty years and year after year I became an old woman.

And Hanley was still bright and unrestrained,stirring up the storm in the workplace.

With me taking care of the family,Bernard could devote himself to his career and fight hand in hand with Hanley to dominate the business world.

Bernard was really good at calculating.

He simply married me,wasted twenty years of my life and paved the way for his ladder to heaven.

The phone in my trouser pocket suddenly vibrated and I hesitated.

How many years had it been since someone sent me a message?

Chapter 4

I took out my phone and found a photo that was sent to me through the Airdrop.

It was a wedding photo;Bernard and Hanley’s wedding photo.

There was also a wedding invitation attached and the invitees included my son,daughter-in-law and my father.

I was not included and indeed I should not be included.

The wedding date was next Wednesday.

It was the day of the business trip that Bernard and I mentioned and it was also...the anniversary of the death of my and Bernard’s eldest daughter.

Bernard was actually going to marry Hanley on this day?

Looking at this photo that was sent to the wrong person,my hands were shaking badly.

At this moment,the door was pushed open and my son walked in with a swagger and patted my shoulder.

“Mom,my wife’s friend is getting married next Wednesday and we are invited to attend the wedding.Go pick out some dresses these two days.Oh,by the way,Grandpa is going too.The one getting married is a very important friend of ours,so you should pay more attention to it.”

After my son gave me instructions,he went out,leaving me and Bernard to face each other in silence.I hesitated for a moment,raised my head and looked into Bernard’s eyes.

“Next Wednesday,are you going on a business trip?”

Bernard was dazed for a moment and nodded.My heart completely cooled down and the last bit of fantasy was shattered.Sure enough,I shouldn’t have asked.

I tossed and turned all night with something hidden in my heart and I couldn’t fall asleep.Bernard couldn’t bear it anymore,pushed me fiercely in the middle of the night and got up to sleep on his side.

I fell asleep at dawn and at 4:30 in the morning,my biological clock woke me up again.I loved to sleep in before I got married.In the years after marriage,in order to serve my family,no matter what time I went to bed,no matter how sad I felt,I would wake up at 4:30.

Except for my father who went out to exercise,everyone else in the family was still asleep and I walked very lightly.

I went out like a zombie,carrying a basket of vegetables.

When I passed the park,I met my father,who was talking with two old men.

My father pointed to the photo of the dress on his mobile phone with a proud look on his face.

“My goddaughter is getting married next Wednesday and I will wear this.Isn’t it stylish enough?I didn’t sleep all night last night and picked it all night!”

“Oh,this dress is not cheap.Mr.Maldonado,you really spent a lot of money this time.Why haven’t I heard that Mr.Maldonado has a goddaughter?Don’t you have Hadley as your daughter?Speaking of which,I haven’t seen Hadley for a long time.”

My father waved his hand in disdain,spitting.

“Don’t mention her,don’t mention her.Let me show you my goddaughter,a very pretty girl and she’s also the secretary of the president of Nova Group!She’s very capable,filial,sensible and sweet-mouthed.In the future,I’ll rely on my goddaughter to support me in my old age!”

Amid the compliments of a group of old men,my father became more and more proud.

I lowered my head and wanted to leave quickly.

“Hey,Mr.Maldonado,is that your Hadley?”

My father looked over.

The moment I met his eyes,I felt a little embarrassed.

My father didn’t care whether I heard what he just said and he hooked his finger at me like he was calling a dog.

“I have a wedding to attend next Wednesday.I’m going to wear this dress.11,000 dollars,you transfer it to me.”

“Whose wedding?Are you all going,but I’m not going?”I asked softly,but my father lost his patience.

“Why are you talking so much?The wedding is held in a five-star hotel.Have you ever been to such a place?You will behave like a country bumpkin who has never seen the world.You will only embarrass our family.Just prepare the money for the gift.I will bring it to you.Don’t go.Just show your intention.You are as fat as a pig.To be honest,I don’t even want to admit that you are my biological daughter.”

I was stunned.

My father snatched my phone and used the Bernard secondary card I bound to swipe 11,000 dollars and drove me away impatiently.

“Why don’t you go buy vegetables quickly?Is breakfast ready?I will go home and eat it later!You are so slow.Are you going to starve your dad to death?You are so unfilial!”

I mechanically moved my steps and walked toward the vegetable market.

The morning sun outlined the outline of my shadow.

I staggered,fat and bloated.

My eyes began to ache again.

After numbly preparing a large table of breakfast,my son and daughter-in-law came downstairs after a long time.They took a bite and threw away their chopsticks fiercely.

I was shocked.

“No more!”

The buns dipped in porridge were thrown on the table,soupy and messy.

“Is this for people?It’s so cold,even dogs won’t eat it!”

I rubbed my fingers helplessly on my apron.I heard footsteps on the stairs and looked back.

Bernard didn’t even raise his head,concentrating on swiping his phone.

When he came to me,he threw his phone on the dining table.

“You didn’t listen to what I said last night at all and you spent another 11,000 dollars?You only know how to eat,drink and have fun every day.Hadley,you don’t feel bad for spending money that’s not yours,right!”

I opened my mouth and wanted to explain.

“I don’t want to hear your excuses.I’m going to work.”

Bernard gritted his teeth and nodded at me,grabbed his coat and slammed the door and left.

I stood there for a long time,then staggered upstairs.

In the next few days,I kept the house in good order.

Bernard was a little surprised,but he didn’t mention it.He just enjoyed it with a clear conscience.When he encountered something unpleasant at work,he got angry with me less.

Chapter 5

The night before Bernard and Hanley’s wedding,perhaps out of guilt,Bernard treated me much better.

“You will be alone at home tomorrow.If you are bored,go out shopping.I will reimburse all the expenses.”

The tone of alms was a favor and a reward,like coaxing a pet dog.

“Go to bed first,get up early tomorrow.”

I lay flat on my back,staring at the ceiling in a trance.My waist ached badly,but my heart was as calm as a pool of stagnant water.

I didn’t want to live this kind of life anymore.In the rest of my life,I wanted to change everything.

Bernard rarely got up early.At three o’clock in the morning,he pushed me awake and asked me to help him dress.

I took off his ironed suit and put it on for him carefully.

When I walked out of the room,my son and daughter-in-law,who liked to sleep until noon,not only got up early,but also changed into dresses.My daughter-in-law was putting on exquisite makeup.

My son asked me to pack bags for him and his wife.

I was busy making breakfast and had to do chores for them in my spare time.

The hot breakfast was on the table and the family was noisy and ready to go out.

“No time to eat,I still have to be a bridesmaid.”

I looked at my son.

“I won’t eat either.I’ll go directly with my wife.”

My father agreed.

Bernard patted my shoulder.

“Eat it yourself.”

I glanced at the breakfast for four people on the table and said nothing.

The doorbell rang.

I walked over to open the door.Hanley,wearing a bright red cheongsam,stood at the door with bright makeup.

My daughter-in-law came up to her excitedly.

“You are so beautiful today,Sister Hanley!”

I sneered.Hanley and I were the same age,but my daughter-in-law kept calling her Sister Hanley.

Hanley gently hugged her daughter-in-law.

“Jasmine is also very beautiful today.It’s almost time,you should leave first,don’t delay.I’m here to pick up Mr.Chavez for a business trip.”

Everything was ready and the family took their own things and prepared to leave.

My daughter-in-law rushed to get her bag,but it was at this moment that something went wrong.

She bent down,accompanied by a sharp tearing sound.

A big hole was torn on the back of the dress.

Everyone ignored me all morning,but now they all focused their attention on my face.

“Mom,didn’t you personally choose Jasmine’s dress and keep it in your care?How could this happen!”

My heart skipped a beat when my son asked me this.

This dress did go through all the processes by me,but after my daughter-in-law tried it on,I just put it away and never touched it again.I didn’t know why this happened.

My mind was spinning rapidly,thinking about the possibility and solution of the change.

Bernard pushed my shoulder hard.

“What did you do to Jasmine’s dress!Even if you are dissatisfied with the family members attending the wedding without you,there is no need to use such a despicable method!”

I was thinking about something and I was pushed and fell on my back.The back of my head hit the ground and I grimaced in pain.

I stared blankly at the furious Bernard.

The door of the house was open and the residents upstairs and downstairs listened to the quarrel inside and curiously looked in.

When I realized what Bernard said,my tears flowed uncontrollably and I yelled in anger,“It’s not me,I didn’t do it!”

Bernard sneered,“If you dare to do it,you must admit it!Even if you didn’t do it,you didn’t keep it properly.You can’t escape the blame for this matter!”

Hanley came over and comforted Bernard.“Don’t be angry,Mr.Chavez.Hadley is clumsy and it’s terrible that she failed at the critical moment,but it’s normal.”

Bernard’s anger hadn’t subsided yet and someone knocked on the wide-open door again.“I’m sorry,I’m really sorry.We got the wrong dress that this lady ordered and accidentally gave her the defective one.I hope our mistake didn’t delay your time.”

The staff held the dress,looking apologetic.I slumped on the ground and looked up at Bernard,but he looked at me mockingly and sneered.“Didn’t you study design in college?You also designed dresses when you started working.Now you can’t even see the problem with the dress.I don’t know if it’s intentional or your skills are too low.I feel sorry for your former clients!”

I was so angry that I was shaking and my eyes went dark again and again.

My daughter-in-law hurriedly changed into a new dress and Hanley walked out holding Bernard’s arm.

The door was closed heavily,isolating me from the outside world.

My coccyx was in pain again and again and I couldn’t stand up.

The noise was all silent and I could hear my heartbeat and the movement of my hand in the silence.

Chapter 6

In the dead silence,the sound of my mobile phone vibrating was particularly clear.

The message from my daughter-in-law popped up.

[I’m sorry,Mom.The store sent me a text message about the dress.I was so excited this morning that I didn’t check my phone.I apologize to you on behalf of Dad.He was a bit harsh this time.You haven’t worked for so many years.How can you remember the knowledge you learned before?You don’t have to buy food tonight.We’ll pack some food for you after dinner.What about the food in a five-star hotel?You’ve been saving for half your life.You probably haven’t eaten it.Consider it as an apology from your daughter-in-law.]

It wasn’t bright yet,it was gray.

There was only a bright light from the phone screen in the house,which stung my eyes and made me cry uncontrollably.

I swallowed all the pain and suffering of twenty years by myself.Everyone took my efforts for granted and everyone despised me for enjoying myself at home.

I wanted to end it all.

At five in the morning,I got up despite the pain and fell asleep on the bed.

I woke up naturally at eleven o’clock.I packed up everyone’s things except me in the house,put them in a suitcase and threw them downstairs.

I changed the password of the password lock at home,printed out the divorce agreement I had prepared a few days ago,signed it and sent it to Bernard’s company.

This house was left to me by my mother who died young and it was my pre-marital property.

Now that I was divorced from Bernard,I naturally wanted to take it back.

After doing all this,I made an appointment with a well-known photographer to take wedding photos for myself.

Wedding dresses were every woman’s dream,but getting married was not.

I would compensate myself little by little for the twenty years I was owed.

Looking at the empty house,I breathed a sigh of relief.

I always felt that the house was full,but in fact,there were very few things that belonged to me.

I prayed for my eldest daughter as I did in previous years.

After so many years,it seemed that I was the only one who remembered her.

Then I handed their luggage to the doorman,packed my luggage and embarked on my dream-chasing journey.

When the plane broke through the clouds,I looked down to find the place that had trapped me for twenty years,only to find that it was so small that I couldn’t even find it.

I booked the earliest flight to Napolis,that was the place I had longed for twenty years ago and I had mentioned it to Bernard countless times,saying that I wanted to go there to take wedding photos.

He always gave me the excuse that he would take me there when we had money.

I waited and waited for twenty years and when Bernard had tens of millions of assets,he still didn’t fulfill my Napolis dream.

From now on,my life belonged only to me.